How much would you pay for a Pop Tart?

Well, there I was again chatting with Stuntman Steve Sanderson. So I said, "What is up Mr. Sanderpoon?" He gave me the contact name of someone I needed to send a copy of the Drunk Stuntmen/Young At Heart Chorus Back To Back DVD. Which, by the way is available on the website in the catalog section.

I told Steve I wanted to write about Hannah Montana this week.

Silence for a few seconds...Hannah Montana, Who!?"

I cut the guy some slack because he doesn't have any children, that we know of, and hopefully doesn't spend his afternoons watching the Disney Channel. I, on the other hand have a ten year old daughter, so it is inevitable that I am familiar with Disney's most recent pop tart, Miley Cyrus.

Yes, Billy Ray Cyrus and his daughter Miley have a show on the Disney Channel. Miley plays a normal happy-go-lucky kid who goes to the local public school with all of the other happy-go-lucky, we live in a gated community, kids.

The big secret though, is that Miley is really the Country Music Teen Sensation Hannah Montana. She puts on a big, brunette Loretta Lynn wig and it's like Clark Kent taking of f his glasses. Nobody except her best friend, who is privy to the charade, knows that Miley is indeed Hannah Montana.

Who cares, right? Well, you should. Because now she is on tour in the real world. Now, go grab the bottle of Listerine and swish a couple of times as a preemptive strike against the bad taste which is about to enter your mouth.

In the life section of the November 6 edition of USA Today, the headline is..."How Much Would You Pay To See Hannah Montana?" The story began by detailing the plight of Ann Anderson, soccer mom extraordinaire from Lincoln, Nebraska, who wanted to get tickets to the Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana Best of Both Worlds show. She tried getting tickets on-line but had to compete with computerized bots working for the brokers in the secondary ticket market (we used to call them scalpers). Those bots assault the online distribution services, like Ticketmaster, gobbling up a good portion of all of the tickets available. In less technically savvy times, scalpers would employ the services of the homeless or their kid's bocce team to get wristbands and then stand in line and each purchase the maximum number of tickets available. In the end, Ann Anderson paid over $1000 for her kids to experience a bad musical novelty act.

Anyone who has read me in the past knows how I feel about such matters. Miley may be talented, but let's face it, she is a member of the lucky sperm club. In the end it is the music that Disney/ABC/Time Warner wants you to hear. Sanitized, wholesome entertainment for the progeny of those who have disposable income. It is merely tasteless, pasteurized, lip synced tripe.

"I don't like it anymore than you do. Truth be told, I've heard it all before."

I guess the story really is about the secondary ticket market which will exist as long as there are people out there to pay the price. But we continue to pay the price. I have done it. I paid $125 in 1988 to see the Grateful Dead at Madison Square Garden. It was a lousy show. Garcia was all ganked up on whatever and was playing like he couldn't wait to get off stage, which he did when Brent started playing Far From Me. They played every single cowboy song in Bobby's repertoire and drums and space lasted about 35 minutes. As Skelly would say, "It serves you right." I should not have paid that much.

I guess the point is, why are people paying so much to see this mindless, spoon-fed excuse for entertainment? Every night there are bands out on the front lines putting every ounce of their being into making something that is meaningful and true. You can see them for $5 bucks. You may even see them for FREE and it may be the best show you have ever witnessed. This touring life is a hustle. It is not for the weak in spirit or in pocket. Why would anyone spend their hard earned cash to see Miley Cyrus sing bad country music?

You want to see some country? Pony up a meager sum of money and go to Toad's place in New Haven this Sunday. Hank Williams III, the outlaw, the outcast in a genre that won't even allow his Grandfather, the King of Country Music into the Grand Old Opry, is taking the stage before Rev. Horton Heat. Hank Sr. apparently wasn't moral enough with his drinking and honky tonk lifestyle to grace those hallowed halls where he was once welcomed. But wouldn't you know that the Grand Old Opry has a Hank Sr. look-a-like as a greeter at the front door. Hank III doesn't like it either, that is why, when he gets on stage Sunday, he may tell us, "I think I'd rather eat the barrel, of a loaded double barrel shotgun, that hear that shit they call pop country music on 98.1" or to relate how he's "been beat up bad, been kicked around, been thrown out of every damn bar in this old town." Or perhaps the lament, "Not everybody likes us, but we drive some folks wild." Oh Yeah.

That is life my friend, life on the road, life eating last night's chicken wings after being in the band's van all night long.

Steve's comment on the whole Hannah Montana matter was,

"$250 dollars, Maybe we should charge $7 instead of $5 at the Roadhouse."

Speaking of the 63 Roadhouse...Saturday night November 24. Don't fill up on open faced turkey sandwiches. The kitchen is finally open. Check out the menu at http://www.rt63roadhouse.com

Yarn, a bluegrass band from Brooklyn, will be special guests for the evening and will start at 8pm. Hope they have the good sense to wear their Mets hats. The Drunk Stuntmen will play out the rest of the night. Come and see why the Rt. 63 Roadhouse is the best place to see the Drunk Stuntmen. Come to the show if you want to see Freddy and Steve before they jet back to Europe with the Young At Heart Chorus.

Freddy and Steve are going to France where the Road to Nowhere Tour is performing in Angers. Performing in Anger? They are probably going to be angered when they see that their breakfast consists of loosely scrambled eggs and fried sheep's brains in buerre noir with vinegar and capers. I suggest you stick with the petit dejeuner which is more of a continental breakfast and doesn't involve any weird body parts. They are also going to be playing in Strasbourg. Sorry I don't have any lame food related jokes pertaining to Strasbourg.

There are a bunch of new dates that you should be aware of in December. One in particular is a must see.

We are calling upon all of the Stuntfans, after all it is almost Winter in New England. That means you too, Brother Tom, Seth and Marc J, we call upon you to rally the troops, round up your peeps and get to the show at the old Church in Boston on December 21. It is right near Fenway inhabiting what used to be the the Linwood Grill. It is our good friend Matt "Tomato Love Man" Caldeira's birthday and he'll also be tending bar. Yeowch!! Let's pack this place to the rafters with energetic, loud, enthusiastic Stuntfans. Let's make the band turn up their amps to 11 to be heard. (please no talking during songs. Whooping and hollering, though, is encouraged.) The always genre-crushing entity and fellow Tauntonite Mike Flood opens the show.

Come early and do not miss Mike Flood's set. He will make ya think, he may even make you drink.

The rest of the month involves a New Years run starting with:

Thursday 12/27: Steve will perform at the Sierra Grill (Baystate Hotel) in Northampton, MA. He will be joined by Zip Cody.

Friday 12/28: Freddy will have the home field advantage the next evening as the Stuntmen travel to Fall River to play at the Narrows Center for the Arts. Ensure yourself a spot at this unique venue and get your tix in advance. This show will sell out. http://www.ncfta.org

The next night they are playing an 8pm show at Piccolo's in Westfield, MA. This is an all ages show, so bring the kids out for some dinner and fun during their school vacation. http://www.piccoloswestfield.com/

The Drunk Stuntmen return to the 63 Roadhouse on New Year's Eve.

I ran into J. Scott Brandon today and asked him if there was anything he wanted all of you to know. First on the agenda is the pastrami sandwich special at Fitzwilly's is superb.

He mentioned that the band was meeting that evening to listen to the CD and make some notes. A band making notes. Oh Bow Bow that is just too funny. The notes are for Mitch Easter who will be doing the final mixing at the end of next month.

On a more whimsical note, Bow Bow wants everyone to know that he has a myspace page. You can look him up at myspace.com/stuntmanbow. He wants you to be his friend so start sending those friend invites. If you check out his profile, you can see the old Stuntvan going up in flames.

Have a happy Turkey Day everyone and don't forget to give thanks and praises. If you are going to do your own stunts on Thanksgiving, remember, nothing goes with a good old American Stunt than a warm stripped down turkey carcass.

Pablo