Enjoy yours elves

Well it's almost here, whatever it is your waiting for. For me it's annual gift day. For you it might be Christmas or Chanukah or even Festivus. Whatever it is, I hope you enjoy yourselves. May the relatives that you only have to hang out with this time of year pass out quickly. May you get a nice warm glow on and dance like John Travolta on a piano. All of us here at the home offices want to thank you for another wonderful year. We want you to know that we know what you did and your secret is safe with us (for a price). Thanks for doing it. We'll see you New Year's Eve at the Roadhouse(10 bucks includes food!) or for you teetotalers we can catch up at the Union Station at 4 and 5 pm. Be good to each other and always try to go out with a joke, like this one: Vodka & Red Bull Christmas Cake

Ingredients:

1 cup water 1 cup of brown sugar 1 tsp baking soda 1 cup of sugar 1 tsp salt Lemon Juice 4 large eggs Nuts 1 bottle of Vodka 1 can of Red Bull 2 cups dried fruit

Method:

1. Sample the vodka to check the quality.

2. Take a large bowl, check the vodka again.

3. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and mix with a little red bull and drink.

4. Repeat.

5. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

6. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

7. At this point its is best to make sure the vodka is still ok.

8. Flavour with red bull to taste.

9. Try another cup - just in case turn off the mixerer.

10. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

11. Pick fruit off floor

12. Mix on the turner.

13. If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

14. Shample the vodka to check for tonsisticitity, flavour with a little Bed Rull.

15. Next ssiffft two cups of salt. Or something . Who giveshz a shi**

16. Throw a pinch of Bed Rull over your shoulder

17. Pick up the can, mop the floor

18. Check the vodka

19. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

20. Add one table.

21. Add a shpoon of shugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

22. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over..

23. Don't forget to beat off the turner

24. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and trip over the dog.

25. Fall into bed.

CHERRY MISTMAS

Are you racking your brain trying to figure out the perfect holiday gift for that special someone in your life? How about a Trailer Life CD? Does the misses need a MADS tank or why not the gift that truly does last a lifetime - a gift certificate to Off the Map Tattoo. Diamonds come and go, but tattoos are forever. With some of the most talented people in the business between our full time, part time, and guest artists it really just makes sense to come to Off the Map. So come on down to see us in Easthampton, MA or check out the website at www.OffTheMapTattoo.com.

112 Cottage St. Easthampton MA. 01027

413-527-6574